Watching What She Wants to Watch

Few things are more perplexing to us guys than a woman's fascination with Twilight. The other day I walked in on my wife who was watching the most recent film and apparently I walked in at the wrong time because Jacob was doing some kind of wolverine imprinting thing...Yeah I don't get it but it was pretty creepy.

So guys, there are some things which we simply cannot watch without risking the loss of our man card, however, it goes a long ways when you consent to watch what she wants to watch. So when you're planning a movie night be considerate, it's not likely that she's going to want to watch Saving Private Ryan or Braveheart. Ask her what she's interested in watching but make it clear that you have the right to veto that way she doesn't even bring up the idea of Twilight.

If your girl is anything like mine she'll likely be a sucker for the oldies so try a John Wayne movie or some kind of romantic comedy with your favorite man crush in it (for me that'd probably be Will Smith). Taking this approach makes for a nice compromise and you may find some of the John Wayne movies to be pretty good.

This upcoming weekend the new Twilight movie is coming out so my plan is to encourage my wife to see the 12:01 showing. It's brilliant really, I mean think about how easy it is to come up with an excuse to not see a 12:01 movie! Anyways she'll enjoy a ladies night out.

In conclusion I wanted to share a link to a BYU Comedy U Skit where a friend sings a tribute to Twilight and it's effect on relationships. Enjoy...

Do's and Don'ts on a First date

Everyone is excited and eagerly looks forward to first date, and people begin to worry that where to go or what to wear; I can say that this is pleasant worry in this case. There are several rules what we must do and must not.

The Do’s

1.       Have to know that do listening carefully is as important as speaking smoothly.

2.      Smile a bright smile when you first see him or her, and laugh generously when he or she is joking.

3.      Keep eye contact with him or her.

4.      In case of their conversation is interrupted, prepare questions.

 

 

 

The Don’ts

1.       Never get drunk.

2.      Don’t speak too personal conversation.

3.      Don’t mention about my ex-wife or ex-girlfriend.

4.      Don’t be late to meeting.

Have fun on a first date!

When to Walk Away from a Relationship

        Once your in a relationship and you have gotten to know each other, the next step is about asking how long do you stay together. Sometimes its easy, your attracted to them, they have qualities that you look for in a long term relationship, and you get along. But then theres times where maybe you do love them, but something feels... off... and you don't know if you should keep trying or move on.
        These aren't "scientifically proven"  "move along now" reasons, so much as they are reasons that you should maybe consider if you haven't.

~ Your friends and/or  family don't get along with them.
           These are the people who know you best, and will sacrifice the most for you. Find out what is putting a wall between them and your potential. Sometimes misunderstandings can be fixed, and sometimes they may see something or be treated differently, than what you have experienced. Listen to what they have to say, and sincerely consider it.

~ You don't trust them alone with your kids, or your wallet, or your cat/dog.
            If you cant' trust someone, regardless of the reason, its a really bad sign. This is the person who you should be able to share everything with, and you shouldn't have to keep things from them to feel more protected.

~ You feel like their parent.
            If they can't clean up after themselves, pay their bills, or do the simplest of tasks, and you are always fixing the problem; you need to know that if you stay in a relationship with them, you will always be cleaning up their mess. No matter how many times people think someone will change,  most of the time, they won't.

~ If all you/they talk about is work or money.
             Times are tough. We already know this, and of course it's going to be on someones mind. But if this is what your relationship is mostly based on now, then when times get better your going to be out of touch with each other. Make sure your topics of conversation are broad, otherwise its 'Game Over' when you realize you have nothing else in common.  No one wants to grow old and see they wasted 15-20-30 years talking about work.

~ It's been days since you have talked, and you still don't miss them.
             If you aren't looking forward to seeing them on a daily basis, then whats the point?

~ You always invite someone else to come along.
             Having friends is important; but if they have to come to everything to keep your relationship interesting, then you should figure out why the two of you cant enjoy each others company alone. Maybe you don't have as much in common as you thought.

~ They don't have the same goals as you.
              This isn't about work. This is about where you see yourself in the future. What dreams do you have, and do their dreams work with yours? Its ok if those dreams change, they often do. But you should not wait for their dreams to fit yours. If you wait, yours will pass by and you wont be as happy as you might have been.

Your happiness now, and in the future, is really what matters. Yes you should also consider their happiness, but it they are not considering yours, than this relationship is one sided and unsupportive. Make sure that any of your sacrifices are made with a just decision, and that your potential is willing to make those same sacrifices for you.
         There will always be times where someone may be unhappy. But these times shouldn't last for long periods of time. Don't give up to soon, but certainly don't hold on to a lost cause either.

Watch your money grow

A recent article indicated that couples who argue about finances more than three times a month are 30 percent more likely to divorce. What can someone do now to prepare for this so that they can have a better more fruitful relationship? Let's talk about 3 different ways to avoid money getting in the way of your relationship.

1. Make your money disappear

When I first starting dating my wife, some of her family was very hesitant to her and I getting married. I remember when I first met my wife's brother, he was shocked to see that I was driving around a brand new, straight off the lot, 6 miles when I got it, Honda Civic. (Long story why, if you want to know email me.) At first I felt really upset and insecure about it, but as I began thinking about it and looking at the income I had, I realized I could not only afford the car, but I could save to pay it off. 

The first thing I did was look for a bank outside of the bank that holds my checking account and receives my paychecks. Then, I set up my account to withdraw a specific amount of money (I started with $50) on the day I receive EVERY PAYCHECK. After I did that a few months, I realized I could save more and so I raised the amount I saved every paycheck. Because I had the money going to another account, I forgot I had the money because I didn't see it. Before I knew it, I had saved around $3000. Now my wife and I have been able to payoff my car, and have no debt. We set a goal together, and reached it together. That brings us to principle number 2.

2. Set financial goals

Guess what guys?! You can apply sports to your relationships! Have you ever been on a team that practices a specific play over and over and then when it comes time to execute the play is successful? How pumped up do you feel? Great, right? Every player does their role, and the play works. The same can be applied to setting financial goals. You create a budget and a savings goal (your play) and then you execute it. When you  succeed, imagine the stress that could be there financially in your mind shouts for you! Woohoo! Go you!

3. Talk about it, don't just buy it

When you want to go and purchase that new flat screen with surround sound, do not go buy it. Look at the what, why, and whether. Talk about what the purchase is, why you want to buy it, and whether you can afford it right now. If you can't afford it right now, then have the humility to admit that. Go back to step 2 and how you can set goals and if you don't know how you can save, go back to step 1.

Oh, and one more note - don't talk about these things late at night. Always be sure you're both well awake and alert. It helps the conversation go more smoothly.

Warning Signs

First dates are great! But how do you know if you should go on a second? One of the most difficult things is recognizing those things which are warning signs of future problems and this post is an attempt to list just a few.

You might reconsider a second date if:

• More time is spent texting others rather than engaging in conversation.
• They answer a call during your date and it's not an emergency.
• One of you is doing all of the talking.
• If you're a women and your date didn't open the door for you.
• If you're a man and your date quickly made a get away after you dropped her off (no good night hug or lingering conversation).
• They told you all about themselves but didn't ask anything about you.
• You don't feel excited about seeing them again.
• Your date wasn't appreciative of your company and time.
• The person was critical of you and made you feel silly or stupid.

In all cases you should go with your gut feeling. Just because a first date didn't go perfectly it doesn't mean a second date isn't warranted. Sometimes the first date jitters get the best of all of us. HOWEVER, you should never go on a second date to just "be nice" if you know there is no way it would ever work out, don't lead your guy or girl along.

Lovemaking Technique: Communication

Have you heard about Giacomo Casanova? From Eastern and Western, there is no one who doesn’t know him. According to biography book, he has not very attractive face; he has a very plain face. Nevertheless, he was having many female lovers throughout his life. Why? He was a clever talker. His smooth talk, and calmness was almost mesmerizing womenfolk. You can enjoy talking continuously as well as he if you repeat verbatim the conversation whenever you talk to her. “Backtracking” will help sympathizing between lovers only for a brief time through constant talking and finding out information about her. The simplest explanation is that backtracking is the skill that keeps up the talking by following other's words.



Application of Backtracking

M: What did you do yesterday?

W: Yesterday? I hung out with friends.

M: Hung out with friends? I thought you have no friends to talk to.

W: What are you talking about? I have so many friends. Blah-blah-blah

As you can see above, they started chatting about what happened yesterday and focused on. However, he brought up a subject of friends; changing a topic of conversation, ‘what’ to ‘who’, and he mentioned again to maximize the backtracking skill. So, you can lead and have a talk continuously by replacing a topic such as ‘what’, ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘why’…

Embarrassing Dates

        I dont know what it is, but it always happens when I'm on a date. I find a way to do something blush worthy. It's a moment in time that my date will never forget, because its embarrassing. 
        Like this one time I was talking to him as we were eating, and I went to take a sip from my drink, but the straw ended up my nose because I was too busy looking at him instead of paying attention (this has actually happened twice with two different guys). Or there was that time when I tripped UP the stairs... three times in a row! My feet just couldn't find the top! Then there was that time where I fell while hiking..., and when I got my Jeep stuck on the edge of a dried out waterbed..., bowled the ball behind me into the bathroom..., poked some random person with a pool table stick..., walked into a door... you get the idea. 
        Ok, so naturally I wanted to run away and hide in a hole forever. I've had to teach myself something that I learned from an old friend. You just have to laugh at yourself! Even if you are freaking out, LAUGH, because it confuses the person and they think you are having the Best Date Ever! 

         Regardless of the many embarrassing things I have done, I have always gotten a second date. I have a theory about this. See, the other person is just as freaked as you are, maybe more, (I don't know). But once you do something that is Human... well it makes them feel a little more relaxed. Plus, people want to date humans, it's something they have in common with each other. If you meet someone who wants something else... Run! 

How You Know She's too Young

Old guys dating young girls 

The trend lately is guys dating younger and younger girls.  Here are some obvious, but important factors to consider when trying to determine if you are robbing the cradle a little too much.

People think you're her dad

When you look at a picture of you and the girl you are dating and see a father and daughter, you know its got to stop.  If you see it, imagine what other people see.  You may start to notice people staring and pointing when they see you holding hands as they wonder how big of an allowance you are giving that young 18 year old.

When you graduated from high school she was a 5th grader

Sure, as we get older age gaps get smaller.  But if you are in your upper 20's and you are trying to date girls right out of high school you should probably stop and think about the fact that when you were graduating high school she was in elementary school.  Weird, right? Not okay.

She can't remember Y2K

If she can't remember the turn of the century she is young! You were probably out partyin' like it was 2000, (oh yeah, it was) and she was probably asleep by 8:45.  Let this one go, and go find a girl that you can reminiss with about the 1990's.

Super Heroes

I have always loved superheroes.

I have been intrigued by how they are so willing to help other people because they recognize that is who they are. It is in their nature to serve, help, and save. They don't do something and then expect reciprocity, they do something and if someone reciprocates-I applaud them.

Reciprocity is something to be valued. Not something to expect.

One of my church leaders from when I was a youth told me this story once. He said he was way outside of town on a date. They were at an area called Nutty-Putty caves and they were going there for a date and then heading back home in the late afternoon for the local school dance.

"My tire blew out." He said. "I didn't have tools, or a spare. We were stuck."

(Now-I didn't ask him this, but I wonder if that made the date a little more awkward.)

He told me that he wasn't sure what to do, and he knew he needed someone to help him quick.

"It was getting dark, and I wanted to at least get my date home." He stated.

He told me that he said a prayer. Nothing huge, he just asked for help and he promised that if they could have help, he would do everything he could the rest of his life to stop and help others who were stranded.

He had decided that reciprocity was something he valued.

"No more than 10 seconds after that, a truck pulled over. He hooked my car up and towed me home."

I've heard countless stories since then of this man helping others. From older women stranded in a blizzard, to ladders falling from a construction truck.

I can know what you value by what you do, more than what you say.

Scavenger Hunts

One of the things  that you'll learn about me is that I am somewhat a nerd. When my wife and I were dating I planned a secret kidnapping. The plan was to ask her out on a date to free up her plans on her birthday and then her friends and I planned to pick her up dressed as pirates and take her to Pirate Island (a pirate themed pizza parlor). Towards the end of our dinner the waiter brought out a well prepared ol' treasure map which was the start to a well crafted scavenger hunt. You see the thing which made this fun is neither my wife nor myself knew anything about the game or how elaborate it really was. We went from the restaurant to BYU campus, to the library, to an intersection and then finally to a park located in the canyon. There we ended the night with a campfire and cake. What made things even more interesting was the raccoon who started to feast on our cake when we turned our backs, and nothing seemed to scare it away!

The scavenger hunt was such a creative and inexpensive way to plan a date. But to make it fun make sure you get someone else to plan it for you!

Is your Clothing ruining your Date life?

        It drives me nuts when I hear my friends say, "Im not going to change anything about myself, a guy should like me for the way I already am". This is crap! Especially if you don't try to look presentable...ever. Why is this crap? They should like you for you and not how you look...right? Well guess what, even the "Hot girls" get dumped; this mean that guys do, or do not, like you for you. But the "Hot girls" get dates and you don't.

       But NEWS FLASH! You don't need to be "Hot" to get a date. There are plenty of average ladies dating and getting married to the man of their dreams. Sure, maybe some of them are what we all know as "the Exception", but Im going to assume that some of them also tried to present themselves in a manner that would also attract their men.

         Still think you don't have to change something? Look at the guys you are interested in. What are they wearing? Look at the guys you could care less about. What are they wearing? Who do you look like most? Now look at the girls they talk to and what they are wearing. Then look at the girls they date and what they are wearing. Who do you look like most?

        What you wear can tell your whole emotional story so choose wisely. You don't have to be in trend, but you should be presentable. Clean clothes do not mean you are presentable. If the shirt you are wearing has a company logo on it (one that doesn't make clothes), or its too big, or its like 5 years old and you can tell its 5 years old... then it needs to be saved for the company picnic, or sleeping, or yard work.... These are not the things to wear when your going out. Even if your just going to the movies with your closest friends.

       This does not mean you have to change what you like about yourself. It does not mean you have to match what everyone is wearing. It does mean you should be self evaluating yourself before you start ranting about why your not dating.

       You have to consider what you would look for in a guy. Everything thats not good enough for you, you should assume, isn't good enough for him.

       Something to think about:
If while your self evaluating and looking at what everyone else is wearing and who they are dating you notice what kind of people they are, don't be afraid to tell yourself that you've changed your mind about how you feel about them.

Be aware of vending machines

"We must be aware of what we choose, if not we will choose to fail." - Anonymous

The other day I was sitting in class during a break we had a guy came in hoarding 4 candy bars and probably like 100 cookies.

"What the heck?" I said.

"Go check it out. The vending machine is broken outside and it gives you 3 of everything!"

So I go out there and sure enough, I press D7 for a Kit-Kat...I get 3 Kit Kat. I press B3 for a pink cookie, I get 3 pink cookies. I couldn't contain my excitement! It was awesome!

After all, it's the machine's fault it's broken. Not mine. I shouldn't have to be punished for my choosing to get a candy bar and I get 6. It's the machine's fault, not mine.

I called KacyAnn after class to tell her about my new found treasure. As I was telling her, I realized that what I had done wasn't the best choice.

I justified, "Yeah but I gave most of the candy away to fellow classmates. I'm like Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor. College students are as poor as they come."

My choice effected other people.

Be aware of yourself, what you are doing, how you are speaking.

Oh...and broken vending machines.

How to Ask Her Out the Right Way

A good date starts way before you go to pick her up for the actual date.  The impression you portray before the date help set the tone for the date itself including how you ask her out.  This post is going to help you ask her out in a way that gets her excited about the date and gets her looking forward to spending time with you.

Lets start with the Do-Not's:

Do not text her... 

This applies to the initial time you ask her out on the date.  Sounds old fashioned?  No way.  Texts are casual and not a big deal.  You don't want her to think that she is not a big deal.  It can also come across as you being to shy to ask her in person.  Girls love a confident guy and a text does not portray confidence.  

Do not reveal too much... 

When you ask a girl out on a date a small element of surprise goes a long way in making her excited for the date.  Give her enough information so that she doesn't wear high heals and a skirt if you are taking her on a bike ride but try not to reveal your entire plan.  Girls are always intrigued by what they don't know.  

The Do's:

Do ask her out in person... 

If at all possible you should ask your date out face to face.  This displays confidence and you typically get a response right away.  After you've got her commitment for next Friday night be sure to continue with a natural conversation.  Its pretty lame to walk up to her, ask her out, and then walk away.

Do have an idea what you are going to do on the date before you ask... 

She is likely going to ask what you are planning for the date.  Its lame to say something like "I'll come up with something".  At the same time you don't want to come across as a creep that has been thinking about this for months.  Naturally let her know the basics of your idea and let her know its going to be a blast.

None of this is rocket science.  You just need to compose yourself and go about it the right way.  Good luck gentleman.  No go and ask that girl out that you've been eyeing and have a blast!

Get Their Attention! Even if you're Shy.

Your body language is louder than your words! Even for those people who are really loud.

        You look at him, he looks at you, you both smile, then he walks over to say hello. OMG What just happened!? When you make contact like this, it's a common language that you need to be aware of. Eye contact, and smiling are invitations; you just told them they are allowed to come talk to you. What if your shy and can't keep the eye contact, or your smile gets lost in your nervous pressed lips? Well, some guys will see past this. It helps if your able to make some double takes when you look at them. If you can't do it though, then your going to have to find a way to practice.

        But fear not! There are other things you can do as well!

        Positioning your pelvis. Basically, you need to point your pelvis in the direction of the person who's attention your focused on. This means you can turn your shoulders away in that slightly shy move, you can even turn your head away; but half of your body is still facing the other person, so they know your attention is on them, or that its going to return to them.

        Once upon a time, five of my friends all decided to use this method combined with smiling faces and sparkling eyes on a cashier at the grocery store. They never shifted their hips, or took their eyes off him. His grin was ear to ear, I thought his head was going to explode !

        Let's say your not very good at noticing people. Your head gets all fuzzy in a group of people till one singles you out. This will make it kinda hard to focus your eyes, or your pelvis, to let anyone know what your up to. Best thing you can do (fuzzy head or not), before you even enter the room, stop in the doorway. Let your friends walk in ahead of you, and take a "look" around the room, as if your trying to find someone (even though you know where your friends are). Your little pause, gives people time to notice you, and the doorway creates a kind of frame around you, like a portrait. It doesn't always turn every head in the room, but someone will notice you. It's up to you from that point to decide what you will do to keep their attention.

       

Sometimes you need to compromise

I love basketball.

I went to the basketball hall of fame....6 times, (It helped that I was living in Springfield, MA for 6 months).

I remember when I was 15 years old. My little brother Chad and I, were tired of the swing set.

"Dad, I'm too old to swing on those flexible pieces of plastic connect to chains and whenever I go down the slide the little hornets nest gets disturbed and I run away screaming. Can't we get rid of the swing set and get a basketball court?"

(Okay-so maybe that is the worst run on sentence ever; and maybe it wasn't phrased quite the way I'm describing....except for the run away screaming part...but I was only 15 okay?....and the screaming part was mostly Chad...)

"Ryan, we can't throw out the swing set. Each post is cemented three feet into the sand pit with about four feet worth of cement on the post itself."

Now, my compromising skills weren't quite like they are now. So, they probably sounded as follows:

"But Dad!"
"No Ryan, we can't"
"But Dad!"
"No"
"Bu--"
"Ryan, this conversation is over."

Being my teenage self, and trying to find a way to show my dad that I do know everything. I came up with a plan.

"Hey Dad, what if Chad and I dug up the posts and chipped off the cement?"

"You really want to do that?"

".....yes.....and we can give the swing set to Mrs. Jensen's kids. They're little."

"Okay. If you do that, we'll get a basketball court."

I spent that entire summer sweating away, breaking my dad's pick-ax, and chizzling off that cement. But I got the court.

Sometimes compromising takes time.

Sometimes you have to step back, think a little different, and be willing to work.

...Even if it takes all summer.

Normal date to Better Date

The movies, a restaurant, the movies, a restaurant.... If you find yourself in a rut when it comes to what you do on a date, then perhaps you haven't been actually getting to know the person you've been seeing. Maybe the guy isn't asking any questions, or maybe the girl isn't opening up on her own, or maybe the date your on is so expected that it literally numbs your brain. Sometimes to get yourself or your date to open up, you have to try something new, something that may put you out of your comfort zone.

The Picnic

The stereotypical picnic is at the park by a tree, on a red checkered blanket, with a basket and maybe some fancy glasses. It's cute, and the girl is sure to smile at a guys effort. But then what? You eat your sandwiches, she thanks you for a job well done, and 20 minutes later you've got nothin'. 

The Shake Up

If your at a park that has a playground uninhabited by zombie kindergartners, then by all means take advantage of the moment! Swings Rock! But 98% of the time, those kids are there, and parents are watching. So start with plan A.

Plan A: After you've eaten, bring out the dessert! Ice cream! Make sure you've asked what kind they like or else its not going to be as good. As you open the cooler you set two gallons of ice cream out; one for each of you. Instead of eating all of it (though some is expected) the game is to use your block of ice cream to carve your dates face. Just tear the wrapper off, give your date a spoon, or plastic knife, and have at it. It's a simple inexpensive way to show your creative sides, and you will still be able to talk to each other as you work on your masterpieces! AND, it forces the both of you to look at each other. Repetitive eye contact will only make you less shy of each other. Don't stare... your ice cream is melting. 

The Sunset Walk

Taking a walk is always a good way to talk with someone and get to know them. Its fairly quiet, the scenery changes, and if you plan it at the right time in the right place it can bring out some major romance. Let's not forget that having fun is important too though. 

The Shake Up

Once the sun has set, pull out your camera, a tripod, and set the camera to a manual or long exposure. The idea is called "Light Painting", and its sure to get both of your creative juices flowing. All you need is a flash light or colored LED's to paint an image into your picture. It takes a few minutes to get the hang of it, but you will lose track of time once you've started. 
The best part, its not likely something your date has done before; which gives your props for creativity and makes you that much more interesting. And it looks cool. Plan on being tagged when they post it to their profile page. 

How to video:

'Light Painting Tutorial Video - Fun with Photography'
http://youtu.be/4IS-DBZEXcA
                                     
More examples:

Photos by Bonnie

The Flashlight

Okay I'll admit. I have made mistakes.

Especially when it comes to dating/girls/trying to figure out how to tell a girl your not interested.

Just ask the 3 roommates I lived with for about 2 years. Dustin, Nate, and TJ will all tell you the same thing when asked, "Did Ryan know how to date girls the majority of the time he lived with you?" Answer? "Not really." "Who, Ryguy? He dated?" and "He tried to figure it out." would be close to their answers respectively.

One weekend we (the roommates and I) decided we were going to take a weekend camp-out trip to Moab,Utah. TJ wanted to bring his girlfriend, Katie, Nate wanted to bring his girlfriend, and Dustin wanted to pretend he wasn't single even though he technically was (long story). Me? Well I just wanted a girl to pay attention to me. Rule number one when wanting to date: Don't feel desperate, it turns out badly.

So Katie invited her roommate along. I thought her roommate was nice so I thought it would be fun to have her come and I could see if I liked her. She paid attention to me, and at the time that's all I considered in my dating montage. Like I said, I didn't quite know the whole dating thing.

It started getting dark in Moab as we setup camp. Our group was hiking through a wooded area with ONE flashlight. The drive was long, and I had become pretty irritated with Katie's roommate by this point of the day. I was leading the pack with the flashlight, and Katie's roommate was walking extremely close behind me. She was occasionally bumping arms with me and me being me (refer back to top of the page) thought she was trying to flirt with me. No way was I having anything to do with that. I said something along the lines of "will you back off of me?" (I know, I know) and she scoffed at me and said, "well you're the only one with the flashlight!"

Oops. My bad.

You're going to get annoyed sometimes in dating. Sometimes it may feel awkward, but the learning how to handle these situations can help you create better relationships in the future. Being perceptive, patient, and understanding with your date can help you better understand them....and yourself.

And sometimes....It's better not to assume you know why someone is doing what they are doing, or saying what they are saying....

And just give 'em the flashlight.

Best Autumn Dates

Best Autumn Dates

We are now getting to the end of September.  The leaves are changing colors and the air is starting to have that crisp feeling of fall.  Each season provides unique advantages and disadvantages in the dating scene.  Autumn is great because it kind of lands in the middle and you have a ton of options.  Here are a few ideas for great dates this fall.

 Evening Campfire

It is still warm enough to head up a canyon a little ways to have a classic campfire.  Campfires are a great date to get to know someone as it promotes a lot of conversation.  It can be a date that you go as a single couple or as a group.  I have yet to meet someone that doesn't enjoy at least one Smore!  With the weather starting to cool off you can expect the need to sit close together as the night goes on and the temperature drops.  Just sayin...

Saturday Morning Hike

There is nothing quite like the feeling of getting a little exercise on a crisp fall morning.  It doesn't have to a super early date.  Pick up your date around 10 am, hike for a couple hours, and then eat a picnic lunch.  Hikes are a ton of fun and you get to know a lot of about your date very quickly.

College/High School Football Game

Attending a ball game is one of my favorite dates.  During the summer its baseball and now that we are into the fall it is football.  Attending a local high school football game on a Friday night can actually be a lot of fun and a very relaxed date.  If nothing else, you and your date will enjoy a good dose of people watching and reminiscing about the good old high school days.  If you have a little more money and want to see better football you can go watch a local college football game. 

Real Life Dates

When I was in the single dating scene I was so fed up with silly dates. I mean who needs to feed the date next to them with a really long spoon, or eat with their hands tied together? It may have been because of my age but I thought those kinds of dates were stupid. Along with finding great budget dates, I think dating is the best time to find common interests and things that you like to do together. One of the things I loved about going on a walk with my to-be wife was the time we had to get to talk. Today my wife and I enjoy going on walks and talking. When my wife and I were dating we also had a lot of fun doing things together like playing tennis, going on hikes, playing racquetball, watching movies, playing games, going on drives by the fancy houses and talking about our dream home and more. These are things that we loved doing together so much, we still have fun doing these things today. That was one of the things that made me fall in love with her. We could find fun in anything we were doing together (even babysitting my nieces and nephews) We even had a list of things we wanted to do together and put them into categories from free to expensive. Some people say that the transition into marriage is really hard, we are still waiting for that moment to happen and it hasn't. I think that is partially due to the fact that we built our relationship while finding things we loved to do together, and those things are now a part of our everyday lives. Yes, we still have times we do something extra special like go to dinner, or go play mini-golf, but for the most part we can spend our free time doing really fun and free things together.

Dating on a student's budget

It’s easy to excuse yourself from dating as a student because dates can be expensive and time consuming, which let’s admit requires two things students don’t have: time and money.  So how do we entertain ourselves on a ramen noodle budget with only 1 hour between class and work? My suggestion is keep it simple. I know that it is easy to feel the need to impress, or sometimes it’s a whole lot easier having a structured planned activity because it gives us something to fall back on if we run out of things to talk about but some of the most simple dates have been in my experience the most meaningful.

Think about it, what’s the number one purpose of going on a date? For some people this might vary, but for me it’s to get to know the other person and to show interest and appreciation. What better way to do this then to take a 10 minute walk with someone? The best part about this idea is that it is free!

The reality is that when we do too much planning it often backfires. For example, I once asked a girl out and decided to take her to a restaurant. I was working full-time making a decent income and so it wasn’t hard on my pocket book to go out somewhere nice to eat every now and again. Well I noticed that this girl during the evening started feeling rather uncomfortable and I eventually found out it was because of the prices on the menu. I tried to make things work and so offered to maybe go somewhere else but nothing could make the situation better. She made me feel awkward and she also felt uncomfortable because I was spending way too much money on her.

Now compare that story with my idea of going on a 10 minute walk, when you think about it what could really go wrong on a simple walk?

First kissing tips

You can tell that a woman is interested in a kiss if

1. She’s facing you, arms down, body relaxed.
2. Her head is tilted upward.
3. She doesn’t appear to be ending the date with some definitive remark like, “Thanks. I’ll call you.”
4. Her lips are parted.
5. She gazes into yours eyes.

If she’s not interested, she’ll

1. Clamp her jaw shut.
2. Fumble for her keys.
3. Avoid eye contact.
4. Turn her body away from you.
5. Glue her chin to her chest.
6. Hold out her hand and say, “Thanks.”

Reference:   Dating For Dummies

The Axe Effect

So I want to share an experience with you. It wasn’t a date but it has led to good results for dates.

It happened a few years ago. I was going four hours out of town to do a job with a group of coworkers. Usually I would have driven myself, but I needed to lean on someone else for the cost of gas. Anyways, the only person who lived close to me was a guy I hated. He was old, obnoxious, and he was terrible at his job. But I needed his help.

As soon as I got into the car he sprayed himself with a typical over the counter body spray most of us know as AXE. It was like 3am, so I figured he had been getting ready on the way to my house. He was pleasant enough for the first little while, I actually wasn’t annoyed with him for the first time ever, though I figured he had some sort of compulsion because he kept spraying himself.

After a few hours, we made a gas stop, and he had neglected to use the spray for a while. I began to feel the tension in my shoulders creep in. Everything he said was beginning to get on my nerves. Then just as our little argument began to escalate, he sprayed the spray. I swear it was less than half a second before I calmed down. Then about a minute later, I began to wonder why our argument stopped, and why I liked him again. EWWE!!

I figured it out! That “Beep!”

I had been studying Psychology that year in school, were we had learned about these little chemicals called Pheromones. It’s a chemical that plays a big part in the “smell of you makes me like you” department.  And HE USED IT AGAINST ME!! Agh!

So boys and girls what did we learn from this?

Those commercials may not be lying, and sometimes an easy way to get their attention is to smell nice. But you have to find the right sent or else it could work against you. I recommend getting some samples or asking your close friends which scents get them the most attention. You can also ask your friends of the opposite sex which ones they have liked on other people in the past.

For instance my favorite smells are obviously from the Axe family, or the Acqua di Gió, and Polo colognes. Some of my girly friends also like the new Old Spice stuff.

Common winners from the guy side have often been the sweet and flowery scents offered by Victorias Secret (Love Spell seems to work most often, go figure). But if your not into the flowery stuff you can try Tommy Girl or Dolce and Gabbana’s Light Blue.

Dont forget! A easy line that will make your date feel good about themselves: “mmm, you smell so goood”.  I like to say it after I give them a hug; best if only used when they really do smell good, and make sure to emphasize the word (yes it matters!).

Cramping up to get the girl

I walked up to her, hot dog in hand – stuffing my face.

Have you ever been really attracted to someone, but you just can’t find the words to say? Well my young (or old) friends; I’ll share one thought I have and give an example….get a cramp.

You see – it doesn’t sound as bad as you might think. A couple of years ago I saw a cute girl that moved into the apartment complex I was in and I wanted to get to know her a little bit. My church was putting on an activity of steal the flag and I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to show her my stealing of the flag moves (in hopes of stealing her heart, of course). As my best friend, TJ and I came walking to the field of play (or battle) we noticed the second thing on the list of things that always catch a man’s eye after pretty girls….free food.

“Sweet!” I said. “Let’s get some food and go play!”

After TJ and I finished our fake socialization through a crowd of people we’d never met, we headed over to the crowd of “warriors” and I saw her. I was excited to finally talk to her.

I walked up to her, hot dog in hand – stuffing my face.

“Hi!” I said. Food particles most likely showering her and breath smelling of dog. “I’m Ryan, we met yesterday in church.”

She looked at me kindly. Smiled and stated, “You know you’re going to get a cramp, right?”

“No I won’t.” I said in confidence, eating the last bite of my free meal. “I’ll be fine.”

During the game, of which she and I were on opposite teams – I flirted, I joked, and showed off my moves of how I could free people from jail….but she wasn’t having any of it.

And I got a cramp.

Afterward, I walked back with her and we talked for a while. I admitted to her she was right and I did in fact receive a cramp. I had learned my lesson and promised myself that if she and I eventually had a relationship, that I would do my best to listen to her.

She’s my wife now.

And now that we’re married, I see that it’s even more important to continually listen to each other. No matter what stage of relationship you are in. Listening brings a great aspect of patience to your relationship that you would not have otherwise. Trust me, because when you decide you don’t need to listen and you can handle your relationship without them…..

You’ll get a cramp.