The Flashlight

Okay I'll admit. I have made mistakes.

Especially when it comes to dating/girls/trying to figure out how to tell a girl your not interested.

Just ask the 3 roommates I lived with for about 2 years. Dustin, Nate, and TJ will all tell you the same thing when asked, "Did Ryan know how to date girls the majority of the time he lived with you?" Answer? "Not really." "Who, Ryguy? He dated?" and "He tried to figure it out." would be close to their answers respectively.

One weekend we (the roommates and I) decided we were going to take a weekend camp-out trip to Moab,Utah. TJ wanted to bring his girlfriend, Katie, Nate wanted to bring his girlfriend, and Dustin wanted to pretend he wasn't single even though he technically was (long story). Me? Well I just wanted a girl to pay attention to me. Rule number one when wanting to date: Don't feel desperate, it turns out badly.

So Katie invited her roommate along. I thought her roommate was nice so I thought it would be fun to have her come and I could see if I liked her. She paid attention to me, and at the time that's all I considered in my dating montage. Like I said, I didn't quite know the whole dating thing.

It started getting dark in Moab as we setup camp. Our group was hiking through a wooded area with ONE flashlight. The drive was long, and I had become pretty irritated with Katie's roommate by this point of the day. I was leading the pack with the flashlight, and Katie's roommate was walking extremely close behind me. She was occasionally bumping arms with me and me being me (refer back to top of the page) thought she was trying to flirt with me. No way was I having anything to do with that. I said something along the lines of "will you back off of me?" (I know, I know) and she scoffed at me and said, "well you're the only one with the flashlight!"

Oops. My bad.

You're going to get annoyed sometimes in dating. Sometimes it may feel awkward, but the learning how to handle these situations can help you create better relationships in the future. Being perceptive, patient, and understanding with your date can help you better understand them....and yourself.

And sometimes....It's better not to assume you know why someone is doing what they are doing, or saying what they are saying....

And just give 'em the flashlight.

Best Autumn Dates

Best Autumn Dates

We are now getting to the end of September.  The leaves are changing colors and the air is starting to have that crisp feeling of fall.  Each season provides unique advantages and disadvantages in the dating scene.  Autumn is great because it kind of lands in the middle and you have a ton of options.  Here are a few ideas for great dates this fall.

 Evening Campfire

It is still warm enough to head up a canyon a little ways to have a classic campfire.  Campfires are a great date to get to know someone as it promotes a lot of conversation.  It can be a date that you go as a single couple or as a group.  I have yet to meet someone that doesn't enjoy at least one Smore!  With the weather starting to cool off you can expect the need to sit close together as the night goes on and the temperature drops.  Just sayin...

Saturday Morning Hike

There is nothing quite like the feeling of getting a little exercise on a crisp fall morning.  It doesn't have to a super early date.  Pick up your date around 10 am, hike for a couple hours, and then eat a picnic lunch.  Hikes are a ton of fun and you get to know a lot of about your date very quickly.

College/High School Football Game

Attending a ball game is one of my favorite dates.  During the summer its baseball and now that we are into the fall it is football.  Attending a local high school football game on a Friday night can actually be a lot of fun and a very relaxed date.  If nothing else, you and your date will enjoy a good dose of people watching and reminiscing about the good old high school days.  If you have a little more money and want to see better football you can go watch a local college football game. 

Real Life Dates

When I was in the single dating scene I was so fed up with silly dates. I mean who needs to feed the date next to them with a really long spoon, or eat with their hands tied together? It may have been because of my age but I thought those kinds of dates were stupid. Along with finding great budget dates, I think dating is the best time to find common interests and things that you like to do together. One of the things I loved about going on a walk with my to-be wife was the time we had to get to talk. Today my wife and I enjoy going on walks and talking. When my wife and I were dating we also had a lot of fun doing things together like playing tennis, going on hikes, playing racquetball, watching movies, playing games, going on drives by the fancy houses and talking about our dream home and more. These are things that we loved doing together so much, we still have fun doing these things today. That was one of the things that made me fall in love with her. We could find fun in anything we were doing together (even babysitting my nieces and nephews) We even had a list of things we wanted to do together and put them into categories from free to expensive. Some people say that the transition into marriage is really hard, we are still waiting for that moment to happen and it hasn't. I think that is partially due to the fact that we built our relationship while finding things we loved to do together, and those things are now a part of our everyday lives. Yes, we still have times we do something extra special like go to dinner, or go play mini-golf, but for the most part we can spend our free time doing really fun and free things together.

Dating on a student's budget

It’s easy to excuse yourself from dating as a student because dates can be expensive and time consuming, which let’s admit requires two things students don’t have: time and money.  So how do we entertain ourselves on a ramen noodle budget with only 1 hour between class and work? My suggestion is keep it simple. I know that it is easy to feel the need to impress, or sometimes it’s a whole lot easier having a structured planned activity because it gives us something to fall back on if we run out of things to talk about but some of the most simple dates have been in my experience the most meaningful.

Think about it, what’s the number one purpose of going on a date? For some people this might vary, but for me it’s to get to know the other person and to show interest and appreciation. What better way to do this then to take a 10 minute walk with someone? The best part about this idea is that it is free!

The reality is that when we do too much planning it often backfires. For example, I once asked a girl out and decided to take her to a restaurant. I was working full-time making a decent income and so it wasn’t hard on my pocket book to go out somewhere nice to eat every now and again. Well I noticed that this girl during the evening started feeling rather uncomfortable and I eventually found out it was because of the prices on the menu. I tried to make things work and so offered to maybe go somewhere else but nothing could make the situation better. She made me feel awkward and she also felt uncomfortable because I was spending way too much money on her.

Now compare that story with my idea of going on a 10 minute walk, when you think about it what could really go wrong on a simple walk?

First kissing tips

You can tell that a woman is interested in a kiss if

1. She’s facing you, arms down, body relaxed.
2. Her head is tilted upward.
3. She doesn’t appear to be ending the date with some definitive remark like, “Thanks. I’ll call you.”
4. Her lips are parted.
5. She gazes into yours eyes.

If she’s not interested, she’ll

1. Clamp her jaw shut.
2. Fumble for her keys.
3. Avoid eye contact.
4. Turn her body away from you.
5. Glue her chin to her chest.
6. Hold out her hand and say, “Thanks.”

Reference:   Dating For Dummies

The Axe Effect

So I want to share an experience with you. It wasn’t a date but it has led to good results for dates.

It happened a few years ago. I was going four hours out of town to do a job with a group of coworkers. Usually I would have driven myself, but I needed to lean on someone else for the cost of gas. Anyways, the only person who lived close to me was a guy I hated. He was old, obnoxious, and he was terrible at his job. But I needed his help.

As soon as I got into the car he sprayed himself with a typical over the counter body spray most of us know as AXE. It was like 3am, so I figured he had been getting ready on the way to my house. He was pleasant enough for the first little while, I actually wasn’t annoyed with him for the first time ever, though I figured he had some sort of compulsion because he kept spraying himself.

After a few hours, we made a gas stop, and he had neglected to use the spray for a while. I began to feel the tension in my shoulders creep in. Everything he said was beginning to get on my nerves. Then just as our little argument began to escalate, he sprayed the spray. I swear it was less than half a second before I calmed down. Then about a minute later, I began to wonder why our argument stopped, and why I liked him again. EWWE!!

I figured it out! That “Beep!”

I had been studying Psychology that year in school, were we had learned about these little chemicals called Pheromones. It’s a chemical that plays a big part in the “smell of you makes me like you” department.  And HE USED IT AGAINST ME!! Agh!

So boys and girls what did we learn from this?

Those commercials may not be lying, and sometimes an easy way to get their attention is to smell nice. But you have to find the right sent or else it could work against you. I recommend getting some samples or asking your close friends which scents get them the most attention. You can also ask your friends of the opposite sex which ones they have liked on other people in the past.

For instance my favorite smells are obviously from the Axe family, or the Acqua di Gió, and Polo colognes. Some of my girly friends also like the new Old Spice stuff.

Common winners from the guy side have often been the sweet and flowery scents offered by Victorias Secret (Love Spell seems to work most often, go figure). But if your not into the flowery stuff you can try Tommy Girl or Dolce and Gabbana’s Light Blue.

Dont forget! A easy line that will make your date feel good about themselves: “mmm, you smell so goood”.  I like to say it after I give them a hug; best if only used when they really do smell good, and make sure to emphasize the word (yes it matters!).

Cramping up to get the girl

I walked up to her, hot dog in hand – stuffing my face.

Have you ever been really attracted to someone, but you just can’t find the words to say? Well my young (or old) friends; I’ll share one thought I have and give an example….get a cramp.

You see – it doesn’t sound as bad as you might think. A couple of years ago I saw a cute girl that moved into the apartment complex I was in and I wanted to get to know her a little bit. My church was putting on an activity of steal the flag and I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to show her my stealing of the flag moves (in hopes of stealing her heart, of course). As my best friend, TJ and I came walking to the field of play (or battle) we noticed the second thing on the list of things that always catch a man’s eye after pretty girls….free food.

“Sweet!” I said. “Let’s get some food and go play!”

After TJ and I finished our fake socialization through a crowd of people we’d never met, we headed over to the crowd of “warriors” and I saw her. I was excited to finally talk to her.

I walked up to her, hot dog in hand – stuffing my face.

“Hi!” I said. Food particles most likely showering her and breath smelling of dog. “I’m Ryan, we met yesterday in church.”

She looked at me kindly. Smiled and stated, “You know you’re going to get a cramp, right?”

“No I won’t.” I said in confidence, eating the last bite of my free meal. “I’ll be fine.”

During the game, of which she and I were on opposite teams – I flirted, I joked, and showed off my moves of how I could free people from jail….but she wasn’t having any of it.

And I got a cramp.

Afterward, I walked back with her and we talked for a while. I admitted to her she was right and I did in fact receive a cramp. I had learned my lesson and promised myself that if she and I eventually had a relationship, that I would do my best to listen to her.

She’s my wife now.

And now that we’re married, I see that it’s even more important to continually listen to each other. No matter what stage of relationship you are in. Listening brings a great aspect of patience to your relationship that you would not have otherwise. Trust me, because when you decide you don’t need to listen and you can handle your relationship without them…..

You’ll get a cramp.