Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Do's and Don'ts on a First date

Everyone is excited and eagerly looks forward to first date, and people begin to worry that where to go or what to wear; I can say that this is pleasant worry in this case. There are several rules what we must do and must not.

The Do’s

1.       Have to know that do listening carefully is as important as speaking smoothly.

2.      Smile a bright smile when you first see him or her, and laugh generously when he or she is joking.

3.      Keep eye contact with him or her.

4.      In case of their conversation is interrupted, prepare questions.
The Don’ts

1.       Never get drunk.

2.      Don’t speak too personal conversation.

3.      Don’t mention about my ex-wife or ex-girlfriend.

4.      Don’t be late to meeting.

Have fun on a first date!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

When to Walk Away from a Relationship

        Once your in a relationship and you have gotten to know each other, the next step is about asking how long do you stay together. Sometimes its easy, your attracted to them, they have qualities that you look for in a long term relationship, and you get along. But then theres times where maybe you do love them, but something feels... off... and you don't know if you should keep trying or move on.
        These aren't "scientifically proven"  "move along now" reasons, so much as they are reasons that you should maybe consider if you haven't.

~ Your friends and/or  family don't get along with them.
           These are the people who know you best, and will sacrifice the most for you. Find out what is putting a wall between them and your potential. Sometimes misunderstandings can be fixed, and sometimes they may see something or be treated differently, than what you have experienced. Listen to what they have to say, and sincerely consider it.

~ You don't trust them alone with your kids, or your wallet, or your cat/dog.
            If you cant' trust someone, regardless of the reason, its a really bad sign. This is the person who you should be able to share everything with, and you shouldn't have to keep things from them to feel more protected.

~ You feel like their parent.
            If they can't clean up after themselves, pay their bills, or do the simplest of tasks, and you are always fixing the problem; you need to know that if you stay in a relationship with them, you will always be cleaning up their mess. No matter how many times people think someone will change,  most of the time, they won't.

~ If all you/they talk about is work or money.
             Times are tough. We already know this, and of course it's going to be on someones mind. But if this is what your relationship is mostly based on now, then when times get better your going to be out of touch with each other. Make sure your topics of conversation are broad, otherwise its 'Game Over' when you realize you have nothing else in common.  No one wants to grow old and see they wasted 15-20-30 years talking about work.

~ It's been days since you have talked, and you still don't miss them.
             If you aren't looking forward to seeing them on a daily basis, then whats the point?

~ You always invite someone else to come along.
             Having friends is important; but if they have to come to everything to keep your relationship interesting, then you should figure out why the two of you cant enjoy each others company alone. Maybe you don't have as much in common as you thought.

~ They don't have the same goals as you.
              This isn't about work. This is about where you see yourself in the future. What dreams do you have, and do their dreams work with yours? Its ok if those dreams change, they often do. But you should not wait for their dreams to fit yours. If you wait, yours will pass by and you wont be as happy as you might have been.

Your happiness now, and in the future, is really what matters. Yes you should also consider their happiness, but it they are not considering yours, than this relationship is one sided and unsupportive. Make sure that any of your sacrifices are made with a just decision, and that your potential is willing to make those same sacrifices for you.
         There will always be times where someone may be unhappy. But these times shouldn't last for long periods of time. Don't give up to soon, but certainly don't hold on to a lost cause either.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Watch your money grow

A recent article indicated that couples who argue about finances more than three times a month are 30 percent more likely to divorce. What can someone do now to prepare for this so that they can have a better more fruitful relationship? Let's talk about 3 different ways to avoid money getting in the way of your relationship.

1. Make your money disappear

When I first starting dating my wife, some of her family was very hesitant to her and I getting married. I remember when I first met my wife's brother, he was shocked to see that I was driving around a brand new, straight off the lot, 6 miles when I got it, Honda Civic. (Long story why, if you want to know email me.) At first I felt really upset and insecure about it, but as I began thinking about it and looking at the income I had, I realized I could not only afford the car, but I could save to pay it off. 

The first thing I did was look for a bank outside of the bank that holds my checking account and receives my paychecks. Then, I set up my account to withdraw a specific amount of money (I started with $50) on the day I receive EVERY PAYCHECK. After I did that a few months, I realized I could save more and so I raised the amount I saved every paycheck. Because I had the money going to another account, I forgot I had the money because I didn't see it. Before I knew it, I had saved around $3000. Now my wife and I have been able to payoff my car, and have no debt. We set a goal together, and reached it together. That brings us to principle number 2.

2. Set financial goals

Guess what guys?! You can apply sports to your relationships! Have you ever been on a team that practices a specific play over and over and then when it comes time to execute the play is successful? How pumped up do you feel? Great, right? Every player does their role, and the play works. The same can be applied to setting financial goals. You create a budget and a savings goal (your play) and then you execute it. When you  succeed, imagine the stress that could be there financially in your mind shouts for you! Woohoo! Go you!

3. Talk about it, don't just buy it

When you want to go and purchase that new flat screen with surround sound, do not go buy it. Look at the what, why, and whether. Talk about what the purchase is, why you want to buy it, and whether you can afford it right now. If you can't afford it right now, then have the humility to admit that. Go back to step 2 and how you can set goals and if you don't know how you can save, go back to step 1.

Oh, and one more note - don't talk about these things late at night. Always be sure you're both well awake and alert. It helps the conversation go more smoothly.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Warning Signs

First dates are great! But how do you know if you should go on a second? One of the most difficult things is recognizing those things which are warning signs of future problems and this post is an attempt to list just a few.
You might reconsider a second date if:

Warning signs on a date
  • More time is spent texting others rather than engaging in conversation.
  • They answer a call during your date and it's not an emergency.
  • One of you is doing all of the talking.
  • If you're a women and your date didn't open the door for you.
  • If you're a man and your date quickly made a get away after you dropped her off (no good night hug or lingering conversation).
  • They told you all about themselves but didn't ask anything about you.
  • You don't feel excited about seeing them again.
  • Your date wasn't appreciative of your company and time.
  • The person was critical of you and made you feel silly or stupid.

In all cases you should go with your gut feeling. Just because a first date didn't go perfectly it doesn't mean a second date isn't warranted. Sometimes the first date jitters get the best of all of us. HOWEVER, you should never go on a second date to just "be nice" if you know there is no way it would ever work out, don't lead your guy or girl along.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Lovemaking Technique: Communication

Have you heard about Giacomo Casanova? From Eastern and Western, there is no one who doesn’t know him. According to biography book, he has not very attractive face; he has a very plain face. Nevertheless, he was having many female lovers throughout his life. Why? He was a clever talker. His smooth talk, and calmness was almost mesmerizing womenfolk. You can enjoy talking continuously as well as he if you repeat verbatim the conversation whenever you talk to her. “Backtracking” will help sympathizing between lovers only for a brief time through constant talking and finding out information about her. The simplest explanation is that backtracking is the skill that keeps up the talking by following other's words.

Application of Backtracking

M: What did you do yesterday?
W: Yesterday? I hung out with friends.
M: Hung out with friends? I thought you have no friends to talk to.
W: What are you talking about? I have so many friends. Blah-blah-blah
As you can see above, they started chatting about what happened yesterday and focused on. However, he brought up a subject of friends; changing a topic of conversation, ‘what’ to ‘who’, and he mentioned again to maximize the backtracking skill. So, you can lead and have a talk continuously by replacing a topic such as ‘what’, ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘why’…

Monday, October 15, 2012

Embarrassing Dates

        I dont know what it is, but it always happens when I'm on a date. I find a way to do something blush worthy. It's a moment in time that my date will never forget, because its embarrassing. 
        Like this one time I was talking to him as we were eating, and I went to take a sip from my drink, but the straw ended up my nose because I was too busy looking at him instead of paying attention (this has actually happened twice with two different guys). Or there was that time when I tripped UP the stairs... three times in a row! My feet just couldn't find the top! Then there was that time where I fell while hiking..., and when I got my Jeep stuck on the edge of a dried out waterbed..., bowled the ball behind me into the bathroom..., poked some random person with a pool table stick..., walked into a door... you get the idea. 
        Ok, so naturally I wanted to run away and hide in a hole forever. I've had to teach myself something that I learned from an old friend. You just have to laugh at yourself! Even if you are freaking out, LAUGH, because it confuses the person and they think you are having the Best Date Ever! 
         Regardless of the many embarrassing things I have done, I have always gotten a second date. I have a theory about this. See, the other person is just as freaked as you are, maybe more, (I don't know). But once you do something that is Human... well it makes them feel a little more relaxed. Plus, people want to date humans, it's something they have in common with each other. If you meet someone who wants something else... Run! 

Sunday, October 14, 2012

How You Know She's too Young

Old guys dating young girls 

The trend lately is guys dating younger and younger girls.  Here are some obvious, but important factors to consider when trying to determine if you are robbing the cradle a little too much.

People think you're her dad

When you look at a picture of you and the girl you are dating and see a father and daughter, you know its got to stop.  If you see it, imagine what other people see.  You may start to notice people staring and pointing when they see you holding hands as they wonder how big of an allowance you are giving that young 18 year old.

When you graduated from high school she was a 5th grader

Sure, as we get older age gaps get smaller.  But if you are in your upper 20's and you are trying to date girls right out of high school you should probably stop and think about the fact that when you were graduating high school she was in elementary school.  Weird, right? Not okay.

She can't remember Y2K

If she can't remember the turn of the century she is young! You were probably out partyin' like it was 2000, (oh yeah, it was) and she was probably asleep by 8:45.  Let this one go, and go find a girl that you can reminiss with about the 1990's.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Super Heroes

I have always loved superheroes.

I have been intrigued by how they are so willing to help other people because they recognize that is who they are. It is in their nature to serve, help, and save. They don't do something and then expect reciprocity, they do something and if someone reciprocates-I applaud them.

Reciprocity is something to be valued. Not something to expect.

One of my church leaders from when I was a youth told me this story once. He said he was way outside of town on a date. They were at an area called Nutty-Putty caves and they were going there for a date and then heading back home in the late afternoon for the local school dance.

"My tire blew out." He said. "I didn't have tools, or a spare. We were stuck."

(Now-I didn't ask him this, but I wonder if that made the date a little more awkward.)

He told me that he wasn't sure what to do, and he knew he needed someone to help him quick.

"It was getting dark, and I wanted to at least get my date home." He stated.

He told me that he said a prayer. Nothing huge, he just asked for help and he promised that if they could have help, he would do everything he could the rest of his life to stop and help others who were stranded.

He had decided that reciprocity was something he valued.

"No more than 10 seconds after that, a truck pulled over. He hooked my car up and towed me home."

I've heard countless stories since then of this man helping others. From older women stranded in a blizzard, to ladders falling from a construction truck.

I can know what you value by what you do, more than what you say.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Scavenger Hunts

One of the things  that you'll learn about me is that I am somewhat a nerd. When my wife and I were dating I planned a secret kidnapping. The plan was to ask her out on a date to free up her plans on her birthday and then her friends and I planned to pick her up dressed as pirates and take her to Pirate Island (a pirate themed pizza parlor). Towards the end of our dinner the waiter brought out a well prepared ol' treasure map which was the start to a well crafted scavenger hunt. You see the thing which made this fun is neither my wife nor myself knew anything about the game or how elaborate it really was. We went from the restaurant to BYU campus, to the library, to an intersection and then finally to a park located in the canyon. There we ended the night with a campfire and cake. What made things even more interesting was the raccoon who started to feast on our cake when we turned our backs, and nothing seemed to scare it away!

The scavenger hunt was such a creative and inexpensive way to plan a date. But to make it fun make sure you get someone else to plan it for you!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Is your Clothing ruining your Date life?

        It drives me nuts when I hear my friends say, "Im not going to change anything about myself, a guy should like me for the way I already am". This is crap! Especially if you don't try to look presentable...ever. Why is this crap? They should like you for you and not how you look...right? Well guess what, even the "Hot girls" get dumped; this mean that guys do, or do not, like you for you. But the "Hot girls" get dates and you don't.

       But NEWS FLASH! You don't need to be "Hot" to get a date. There are plenty of average ladies dating and getting married to the man of their dreams. Sure, maybe some of them are what we all know as "the Exception", but Im going to assume that some of them also tried to present themselves in a manner that would also attract their men.

         Still think you don't have to change something? Look at the guys you are interested in. What are they wearing? Look at the guys you could care less about. What are they wearing? Who do you look like most? Now look at the girls they talk to and what they are wearing. Then look at the girls they date and what they are wearing. Who do you look like most?

        What you wear can tell your whole emotional story so choose wisely. You don't have to be in trend, but you should be presentable. Clean clothes do not mean you are presentable. If the shirt you are wearing has a company logo on it (one that doesn't make clothes), or its too big, or its like 5 years old and you can tell its 5 years old... then it needs to be saved for the company picnic, or sleeping, or yard work.... These are not the things to wear when your going out. Even if your just going to the movies with your closest friends.

       This does not mean you have to change what you like about yourself. It does not mean you have to match what everyone is wearing. It does mean you should be self evaluating yourself before you start ranting about why your not dating.

       You have to consider what you would look for in a guy. Everything thats not good enough for you, you should assume, isn't good enough for him.

       Something to think about:
If while your self evaluating and looking at what everyone else is wearing and who they are dating you notice what kind of people they are, don't be afraid to tell yourself that you've changed your mind about how you feel about them.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Be aware of vending machines

"We must be aware of what we choose, if not we will choose to fail." - Anonymous

The other day I was sitting in class during a break we had a guy came in hoarding 4 candy bars and probably like 100 cookies.

"What the heck?" I said.

"Go check it out. The vending machine is broken outside and it gives you 3 of everything!"

So I go out there and sure enough, I press D7 for a Kit-Kat...I get 3 Kit Kat. I press B3 for a pink cookie, I get 3 pink cookies. I couldn't contain my excitement! It was awesome!

After all, it's the machine's fault it's broken. Not mine. I shouldn't have to be punished for my choosing to get a candy bar and I get 6. It's the machine's fault, not mine.

I called KacyAnn after class to tell her about my new found treasure. As I was telling her, I realized that what I had done wasn't the best choice.

I justified, "Yeah but I gave most of the candy away to fellow classmates. I'm like Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor. College students are as poor as they come."

My choice effected other people.

Be aware of yourself, what you are doing, how you are speaking.

Oh...and broken vending machines.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

How to Ask Her Out the Right Way

A good date starts way before you go to pick her up for the actual date.  The impression you portray before the date help set the tone for the date itself including how you ask her out.  This post is going to help you ask her out in a way that gets her excited about the date and gets her looking forward to spending time with you.

Lets start with the Do-Not's:

Do not text her... 

This applies to the initial time you ask her out on the date.  Sounds old fashioned?  No way.  Texts are casual and not a big deal.  You don't want her to think that she is not a big deal.  It can also come across as you being to shy to ask her in person.  Girls love a confident guy and a text does not portray confidence.  

Do not reveal too much... 

When you ask a girl out on a date a small element of surprise goes a long way in making her excited for the date.  Give her enough information so that she doesn't wear high heals and a skirt if you are taking her on a bike ride but try not to reveal your entire plan.  Girls are always intrigued by what they don't know.  

The Do's:

Do ask her out in person... 

If at all possible you should ask your date out face to face.  This displays confidence and you typically get a response right away.  After you've got her commitment for next Friday night be sure to continue with a natural conversation.  Its pretty lame to walk up to her, ask her out, and then walk away.

Do have an idea what you are going to do on the date before you ask... 

She is likely going to ask what you are planning for the date.  Its lame to say something like "I'll come up with something".  At the same time you don't want to come across as a creep that has been thinking about this for months.  Naturally let her know the basics of your idea and let her know its going to be a blast.

None of this is rocket science.  You just need to compose yourself and go about it the right way.  Good luck gentleman.  No go and ask that girl out that you've been eyeing and have a blast!